Having the right help and support at the right time is vital when caring for someone with dementia, according to a former Humberside Police Superintendant who is helping to raise awareness of the condition.
This week is Dementia Awareness Week (15-21 May), a national campaign aimed at improving understanding of the condition which affects an estimated 5,500 people living in the East Riding today – a figure which is predicted to rise to around 9,100 by 2030.
John Stabler, 78, of Beverley has spoken of the sense of loneliness and loss he has experienced and continues to experience since his wife of over 50 years, Valerie, 77, was diagnosed with dementia six years ago.
John said: “The diagnosis was a huge shock for both of us. Having said that, hindsight is a wonderful thing. All the things that Valerie was once good at had started to disappear a few years before the diagnosis.”
Valerie started to find she could no-longer play the board games she once enjoyed, while the couple were also forced to give up their hobbies.
“The illness was life-changing for both of us in that from being regular weekly sequencer dancers we could no-longer continue because she could not remember the dances anymore. We gave up caravanning because all the work fell on my shoulders.
“But I made sure that as far as possible she would enjoy a very interesting and fulfilling life which we did up until she had to go into full-time residential care,” John said.
Shortly after diagnosis John began to research and plan for his wife’s future care, started keeping diaries and helped Valerie to put her life story down into writing.
While John hopes that in the future dementia sufferers and their carers are supported by a key person throughout the whole process, from diagnosis through to end of life in a similar way to cancer patients, he acknowledges that several groups have been an invaluable source of support over the years.
The couple have attended Memory Cafes and ‘Singing for the Brain’ sessions run by the Alzheimer’s Society; the Butterflies Memory Loss Support Group which offers support sessions and activities in Hull and the East Riding; and accessed help and support through the East Riding Carers Support Service.
“Even though many friends and relatives chose to disengage with us because they perhaps were unable to deal with the illness, I have met some lovely people who are carers like me.
“We have become very close friends and speak to each other every day and find comfort from the isolation, loneliness and emotional distress which we all suffer from,” John said.
Former medical secretary Valerie is now living at The Old School House, a Beverley based care home which specialises in caring for people with advanced dementia.
“The bond that we have is still strong and I find comfort in visiting her regularly in her new home where she is happy, safe and really well cared for by a lovely caring team who look after me so well too when I am emotionally distressed.
“When I first met Valerie in 1953 she changed my life for the better. She has always been a lovely person to be around and we have never had a cross word.
“She has dealt with her illness with courage and dignity, not once did she complain, not once did she ask ‘why me?’ when I have thought that many a time,” John added.
